I have got the feeling that the relationship between my mum and me are rubbing thin. There has been so much conflicts and tension between us, and have been getting the feeling that she despises some of the things that we does. Sometimes I wonder whether I am the one that owes her in my previous life... Since young I envy those friends whose mother were housewives; they were been fetched to school, fed at home. Although they find their mum nagging but at least their mum spends time with them when they were growing up. Unlike us when both of the parents are working t upkeep the family, we are lucky to have gotten a nanny that looked, cared and loved us as her own. Humans are greedy, they want more, more love, more attention. For a child that has a elder and younger sibling; up and bottom of you, you are squashed in between and often neglected because mum will tend to pay more attention to the younger one and elder one will often be called upon to look after the younger ones or help out in chores. Differences of love and attention gets even obvious when it gets older, you tend to act differently to get attention. When it fails and gets the negative attention, you cry alone in a corner from prying eyes because one's pride is too high to let others know your deepest desire; which the love from someone that is dear to you. As years and time passes, you hope that time will change things however this is not the issue, because she still thinks that you are the same after all these years. I'm a double faced, when working or in school and at home I act differently. School and work I can be serious, passionate and patient; but at home I tend to lazy and show my true nature. I express my emotions show more freely but often this lead to having you think that I have low EQ. I joked around with friends that I was been "labeled" low in EQ by you, but in fact I was hurt to hear that. Been direct is in your nature but been direct in hurting your child has been what you have been doing in all my life as a person when I came to understand things. You have hurt me intentionally or tentionally, I don't know. One thing I do know, I tried to think that you are doing this to make me a stronger person, but giving too much negative comments and rarely getting any positive ones is just as good as starving me to death and giving me food when I am really dying. I am not as strong as you think, yes I may not be the perfect child that you always wanted but I just want to be me... the real me, the me that you give birth to. But you will never understand will you? No matter what I say, you would want things to revolve around you. Wouldn't you? Who wouldn't?

I wanna be free...